Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
