In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
