If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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