whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
