Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
