I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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