Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
