Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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