In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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