You really coming over, don't trick.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My vagina just recognized that song.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
