I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize