They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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