i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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