Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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