What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
