So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
