i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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