I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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