When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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