i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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