Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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