I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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