I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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