I got chris browned last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize