i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
