$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
