saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
