actually, I'm a sock model
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
