consequently i now know what mace tastes like
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
