Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
