Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
