The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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