Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
