How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
