i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
