Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
