So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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