Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
