so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
