Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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