just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
