Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
