i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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