Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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