why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
