Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
