we have officially lost it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
