KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
