It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
