dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am available for nakedness
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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