I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
