I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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