I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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