I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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