i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
