The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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