Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
