I am spending my child support on dildos
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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