everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
