I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Are my feet made of real feet?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
