The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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