If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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