In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
