she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
