I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
