My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
