I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
