all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
