Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
