Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
