you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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