There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
