so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Success! We fucked roommates!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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