Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dick very happy bro
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
