Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
