To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
