all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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